Lately, I've been feeling really miserable. No one notices, of course, because I'm an expert con-artist, and have a foolproof mask. And even if did anyone notice, obviously they don't give a shit anyway. Not like it matters, of course, because no one can solve my problems, but still. I'm /not/ happy, and I really doubt I will be. For any of you who assume it's all because July is coming up, you're wrong. For those who think it's all because I hate summer, despite that being true, you're wrong. For you who think it's all 'cause of how this world's going to shit, you're wrong. For any of you who believe it's all because I'm ridiculously budgeted by money, you're wrong. You can try to figure out what my problem is, but you won't succeed... I'll give you a hint: you're wrong. Give up, stop trying, don't even bother. That's it, simple as that.
Knowing full well how I tend to act when I'm irritable, pissed off, and just in a "Fuck the world" mood, I've been forcing myself to avoid my own girlfriend, much to my own dismay; while it sounds stupid, and it probably is, it's a good choice because it's better than treating her like shit because I can't deal with anyone's antics right now... She deserves so much better than me, but at the least, I'll give her all I can. It's all I can do. Besides that, as much as I -want- to talk to her, I really don't know what to say at all. I want to talk to her until I actually do, and then I just sorta want to leave. I don't know why, it's not that I don't love her, or that I want to be away from her... I just feel weird. I feel pathetic, and I don't know why, because I don't talk to anyone else hardly, save for friends and family ir/l. I just want to avoid everyone. I want to be in a complete sense of solitude for as long as possible until I'm happy again... I just want to be happy again. :\
I'd been playing a private server WoW for a week now, partially with friends, partially solo. Already my priest is a level 100 (yes, this server increased the level cap), so it's pretty epic... but it's getting boring now, just because I'm tired of leveling up constantly. I'm just gonna make some more money and buy all the gear I need, then skip off to something else... While I need to get to level 254 eventually (level cap), I'm not really in any rush anymore. I kind of don't really even care... It was an attempt to pass time and entertain myself, and it failed. I'm done trying it anymore.
In closing, I just have a simple statement. I used to always act nice and caring around people, and not really show it when I was irritated, because I didn't want people to see the darker side to me. Now, if people want to risk IM'ing me when I'm not happy, and I want them to fuck off and leave me alone, I'll say it. Simple as that... I'm done.
I'm going to bed. Good night.
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