I feel like I have more to say, only without knowing the words to express it. I'm sure everyone has experienced this before, and find themselves at a standstill. No doubt it's common, I'm sure of this, but I sometimes wonder... Even in this world, of possibly 7 billion people or so, somehow I still find a way to feel completely alone. I sometimes wonder, would I feel more alone if I were on a completely solitary planet away from Earth, or would I feel happier? It's not like I can find out, considering this is the only inhabitable planet we've found in the vast regions of space, especially knowing the universe is perhaps infinite in itself.
In fact, let's talk about this for a moment. 'Infinite', while the symbol (∞) itself is logical because it has no end, the meaning behind it is technically illogical. There is nothing that is truly infinite, even time itself had to have a starting point and an ending point. Now, it can have a new starting point after it ends, much like a clock. We start technically at midnight (00:00), and end the day at 11:59 PM (23:59), then begin a -new- day at midnight once again. This is not infinite, but rather a loop. Infinite in itself means the same thing as endless, but a loop has a start and an end, and is just repeated. I feel that the universe isn't infinite, but perhaps this 'loop'. When we reach one end, we simply find ourselves starting over again. For example, the Earth is a sphere. You can leave the Earth via a shuttle, thus finding an 'end' to the region, but if you were to fly around it, you'll find it continues around all the way. A loop. Spheres are loops, and not truly 'endless'.
This previous paragraph makes me question religion sometimes. I will actually technically attack both Scientific Theory as well as Creationist Theory in this paragraph, and if you don't like that, skip this paragraph entirely. But I suggest you read on, you might find it quite interesting and intellectual, and perhaps you can help me understand things better afterwards. One of the flaws with both theories is the belief of "infinite". Creationists -- usually Christians of some denomination, be it Catholic, Protestant, Jehovah's Witnesses, or any similar form including Judaism or even Islam -- believe that God was the start to everything. This partially makes sense, because the concept of Evolution and the Big Bang Theory are both flawed in the sense they truly have no start. While Evolution itself isn't entirely implausible, it does theoretically make sense, there has to be a starting point. For example, take the alphabet itself as evolved. "Z", being the last letter, could have evolved from "Y", the previous, which in turn evolved from "X". However, if you continue to go back, you'll only end up at "A", with no previous form. Something had to have created "A" initially. Even the Big Bang Theory is only plausible at this same theory. At a simple standpoint, the 'bang' itself needed a cause, via the causality philosophy, and even if it were caused by a random alignment and organization of neurons for instance, that in itself would have to have been placed by something. Both of these theories are argued by Creationists as the proof of God. This is where I agree, and disagree, at the same time. The reason I disagree is because by the same standard, you would need a starting point for God himself. Creationists would religiously reply "God has always exists", but this is only preaching an 'infinite' clause, which I previously stated is illogical. A loop, perhaps, but not logical. The only logical explanation I could say is that God created himself, which caused him to cease to exist in one sense. 1 + 1 - 1 = 1. It's not infinite, just a loop. You start with one, create one more, but at the cost of creation, you destroy as well -- this is the base of alchemy, ironically -- so you end with one again. This cycle repeats... It may not be the most plausible theory, and it's surely not one anyone will agree with me on, but it's the only way I truly can keep belief in a God of any type without questioning myself and keeping myself up at night, unable to sleep because my questions don't have answers.
Moving on to seperate topics, I'm finding it amusing how a lot of friends have blamed me for 'abandoning' them. I just got hit with that line again today. A friend I made on World of Warcraft -- the private server, of course -- has gotten upset with me because I've chosen not to play as much lately. It's not that I don't enjoy the game, but that I'm caught up in too much stress lately to really dedicate so much time to such a simple, near meaningless game. The only reason I play is for the community, honestly, as I don't find entertainment value in many games much anymore. But I've also found I have fewer friends, either because they abandoned me -- I prefer to say they simply 'vanished' -- or I've supposedly abandoned them. I suppose I feel it's better if I abandon them, because then it's my choice, and I'm not the one getting hurt. But that's also kind of selfish, as it probably hurts them, if not me. But there's a theory, 'all good things come to an end', so I guess it's one way or the other. And I'm truly not perfect, so I'll take my chances with other people's feelings I suppose. Hate me for it if you will.
I really haven't a whole lot to talk about today. I do, but, I simply don't have the will to type it right now. I'm finding myself less interested in everything lately, including even sitting here typing. Hell, I'm less interested in sleep. I'm both an insomniac and a hypersomniac. It takes me a long time to actually cave in and sleep, but then I sleep forever. I think it's because while I'm awake, I'm not interested in sleep, so I avoid it as long as I'm physically capable... But then once I cave in and go to sleep, I'm not interested in waking up, so when I do, I just try to go right back to sleep. I try to put as little effort into everything as possible, because I just really don't have the will to do anything. I don't think this is healthy, is it? Oh well... I'm going to end my blog post here, though. Catch you next time, I suppose.
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