Some of you may have noticed I'm a bit more stressed. I've always been a stressful person -- I'm borderline, and possibly bipolar. There's also a very good chance I have AS (Asperger Syndrome), which is similar to high-functioning autism in a few ways. In other words, I'm "special". Lol. More accurately, I just... don't feel comfortable in social situations (I've always been a recluse) and have an abstract way of thinking, that doesn't quite make sense to most anyone. Not even me, half the time. That, paired with the first two I mentioned, makes for an awkward thought process that can get out of hand.
On top of that, I have a rough relationship history, one of the last having really taken it's toll on me. I've only one friend in person who I rely on; the rest have all moved away, and never been all that close in the first place. My parents are divorced, and I've little left of my family that I'm close to except my brother, and that's been a rough subject in some areas as well.
Physically, I'm not in the best of health. I more than likely have hypertension, Lupus, psoriasis or eczema (not sure which), and I still have asthma. It's a 90% chance of all but the latter, which I was officially diagnosed with at a young age. The rest are just certainties, but never having had the money to get any legitimate diagnoses as of yet.
I'll spare you the pity stories, but to say the least, let's summarize. I'm mentally unstable (although I'm very well in control of myself as a person, just not of my emotions or thoughts so much), physically unhealthy, and have few friends I feel I can rely on, who seem to come and go of their own accord sometimes. I don't trust women due to my relationship history, but I don't trust men because most of them are absolute assholes who serve only to piss people off. I used to have anger issues, and was highly selfish; now I'm calm, polite, and selfless, and my whole world has fallen apart. But I won't change who I am. I'd much rather die by someone's side, telling them how wonderful my time with them was, and how they're one of the best friends I could have ever had in my life. As opposed to dying on my own with a million luxurious material items that I bought with my own avaricious income.
Seeing as how I'm jobless and my family isn't even exactly considered 'middle-class' even, I don't have that second option even if I wanted it.
I omitted a lot of details for the sake of lack of necessity. The biggest stress for me, as of current, is relationship history. Just one girl in specific. And it's a reasonable kind of stress -- not an "oh, my girlfriend of 3 months left me, I'll never love again" kind of thing.
That's all. I'll be fine again, eventually. It comes and goes.
1 comment:
I definitely know how the whole relationship history being rocky, as you know. I, myself have a few health concerns as well, such as asthma, bipolar, anxiety, hypertension. Hypertension, which runs in the family can be dangerous if out of control, and I'm a constant worrier. I worry about every little thing, even if it's not a big deal. That stems from the anxiety. But, I know where you're coming from.
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