Flashback

So, I'm in a nostalgic mood suddenly. Actually no, I'm not even nostalgic. I guess I'm reliving, looking back at the past and remembering details about it and thinking about it in a new light. Hindsight's 20/20, and at the time everything had occurred, no, I surely hadn't looked at the obvious things. I was focused on the situation at hand, not the evidence presenting itself up to that point as well. So, let's begin.

I've mentioned in a previous post (which I've since locked to being private, only viewable to myself at the moment) how me and Andra started dating in '07. Well, considering how we broke up in '08, logically, that should have been the end of it. It's silly to get back with your ex. But sure enough, few months later, we did. We still fought. Nothing changed. Nothing at all. I'm being honest about this too, absolutely nothing changed between us. It was the same as it was before we broke up. We still avoided each other, and what few times we actually talked a lot, we got into ridiculous fights.

I distinctly remember joining a private server for WoW (EpicWoW) in April of '09 because of how little we talked, and focused my attention to that. Don't get me wrong, if she was online, I'd try to message her. But if she didn't reply, I'd assume she was too busy for who knows what reason -- I tried not to assume things -- and go back to my game. Although it seldom happened, when she messaged me, I would immediately focus my attention on her seeing as how we were together and all, and I did care far more about her than the game. So I never ignored her for anything, just to make that clear. But I stayed in this private server until January of '10, when an incident broke out. I had admittedly noticed some feelings of affection towards one of my friends from there starting to grow more and more, and when we all got tired of the attitude and antics of the guy running the server (who I still respect, don't get me wrong), and he ended up talking about her behind her back -- and he literally was talking about how she was immature for talking about him behind his back, after he had already kicked her off the server. I immediately decided I had enough because I cared for her far more than I did for the guy running the place, so I told him "Well, if you're going to complain about it, at least have the balls to say it to their face like I'm doing right now. I can't believe someone as immature as you can honestly run this place this well.", in a slightly more disrespectful manner admittedly. After the incident though, I started to avoid the girl a bit more as well. We're still friends now, but we seldom talk. I made it clear that even if I was miserable with my relationship with Andra at the time, which I honestly was, that I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I had already made numerous mistakes with Andra as it was, so I wanted to prove to myself, not even to Andra, that I was starting to be mature finally.

So, January of '10 was when I left the game. Andra and I had been together for over a year. Several months passed, played games at friend's houses, applied for jobs, talked to people on MYB and even went back to Yahoo! Chat for a little while, although it gradually started to die. I got my cell phone in February, which was an exciting time for me since I hadn't had a cell phone before until then. Oddly enough though, I didn't call Andra until June. While I would delete old calls in my phone's history, I would keep most of the people I wanted to remember talking to. For example, I've kept every single one of the calls with Tuija saved right now, which is a lot. I'm talking like 60 calls already saved, the longest one being for 12 hours and 30 minutes straight (we had fallen asleep with the phones still on, so yeah. Anyways... 3 calls with Andra on the 9th of June. Total time of an hour on the phone. Later, two calls on the 21st. Only 40 minutes in total. That's all for this half... Moving on.

September came around, and I slipped up with a little misworded sentence about 9/11, which ended up breaking out a huge fight. Now, here's the funny thing that nobody probably ever noticed. After the fight happened and her mom said I wasn't allowed to talk to her, I was the first one to set my relationship status to "single". I didn't hesitate. I decided, okay, it's over, I'm single. No complaints. Didn't fight it. I thought it was stupid how it broke out, but I honestly had decided that was reason enough to say the relationship was over, and Andra followed suit very shortly after, probably thinking the same thing.

Couple months pass, after Thanksgiving, her mom apologizes to me and I'm allowed to talk to her again. Sure enough, I called her on the 1st of December, which only lasted 11 minutes. Short call. Called again on the 3rd, for what totaled in two hours roughly. 54 minutes, 25 minutes, and then 43 minutes; three different calls. Finally, her mom called me on the 5th after she started dating Doug, and we talked for 7 minutes while she cheered me up and told me how she respected me and wanted me to make the best of my life despite the situation. I appreciated that, because it meant a lot to me. But, considering we only talked on the phone for maybe 4 hours in total for an entire year, it was relatively obvious our relationship was over. Completely over, considering we talked for hours on end when we first started dating. I'd call her when I was walking to Tristan's, just so that I could hear her voice. I'd wake her up in the middle of the night just to talk to her. I was lame. But obviously this year, it wasn't like that anymore.

In October, I posted a blog titled "Epiphany" in which I acknowledged that it was probably over, and how while I would wait regardless, she would probably find someone better than me in the time we weren't allowed to talk, and lose interest in me. Ironic, much? One month after we broke up, and I already acknowledged it. Two months later, in December, it actually happened. I was beyond prepared for it, and that's why I wasn't upset when it happened.

Now here's the explanation of why I'm upset. It has nothing to do with that she dated someone else. I'll keep it short and sweet, out of respect. I asked her back out again, out of sheer stupidity, but told her to think about it, ask for her mom's permission, and let me know. She didn't. She didn't say anything. Didn't tell me know, didn't say yes. The only reason I knew it was a no? I saw on Facebook that she was in a relationship. She didn't even tell me about it directly, I had to confront her about it. That was what upset me. We may have had a rough relationship, but that was a disrespectful way to do things, no matter how you look at it. But I held no ill feelings, I confronted her, talked to her about it, cleared the situation, and gave them my respect and wished them luck.

Then the second part happened. Doug apparently misinterpreted something Andra said, and Kandi (getting into business that wasn't her own, but I can't control her actions, so that's not for me to be blamed for, thank you) was talking to him and he claimed that I ignored her for games and that she was always upset with me. I was irked by this, but left it alone. Didn't want to bring it up to Andra because I didn't really care whether or not he actually said it. I thought about it, but decided it was best not to. Then there was apparently claims that he had an internship with NASA, would be there 6 months, then start getting benefits or something. Well, him being 18, I knew that was an outright fabrication. He would have had to graduate at 8 years old and immediately enroll in college. You typically need 10 years of college education in order to work as a computer technician at NASA. Not to mention that internships are for 15 weeks at most in NASA, which is one week short of 4 months, not 6. You also don't always get hired immediately after internships, and you get no benefits as an intern. You're just there to learn the ins and outs of everything.

At this point, I was stupid. I made a post on Facebook about how I was disappointed her new boyfriend was a liar, but that it's okay, I was technically a liar too because I kept things secret from her (usually things I felt she didn't need to know because it would upset her; had she confronted me about any of it, I would have told her the truth, but I felt it wasn't important for her to know). I was only going off based his claims of working for NASA, but I could have honestly kept my opinion to myself. But here's the thing, it was my opinion. I had the right to say whatever I want. But I get attacked for it. I'm the bad guy immediately, even though Doug himself made claims about me that he had misinterpreted himself. Nope. He wasn't the bad guy. I am. Frankly, I think neither of us were. We both made mistakes based on things we misinterpreted from word of mouth. Neither of us got the story directly from each other, so neither of us knew what the fuck we were talking about. But I was severely upset after this part broke out because her entire family decides it's right to attack me for doing no differently than Doug himself had. I'm not going to constantly be the bad guy for them, it doesn't work that way. So I stayed calm, held my own in what I personally feel was a rather hilarious "argument" with Casey, and they all subsequently blocked me except Andra (and Doug, who didn't get involved in the situation as far as I know).

So now I'm looking back at the whole ordeal, and honestly, I'm laughing about it. I mean, I'm disappointed that I lost several friends, but if all I am is a way to enjoy drama for them, so be it. I'm not going to be upset over that anymore. If anything, I'm happy now because I've been talking to one of the most absolutely amazing people in my life. Sure, I would still like to be friends with Andra, because I dislike losing people as friends. But I'm not upset over how it ended anymore. Honestly? It was rather entertaining in some ways. I can look back at it and think "Wow, that was pretty chaotic, huh? Definitely don't want to go through that again. :3". I don't even frown about it. I kind of smile. It's silly, isn't it?

In closing, I mean no disrespect towards any of the people who got involved in this situation. I just felt like sort of ranting about it again, one last time. I am indeed over it, I just wanted to sort of look back and share my current views on it, see if anyone else understands why I find it so funny now.

I'll post a new blog later on, because I also feel like ranting about Tuija. <3