Sometimes.

Sometimes, I wish my family were rich instead of poor:

If my family had more money, even if not significantly rich but definitely not indebted. Not millionaires, but say the household combined income were over 100k a year. I don't know, I feel like maybe things would be easier. Would it go to my head? It's possible. I suppose maybe I'd consider that money an advantage. I'd probably have more luxuries, maybe my own car already, a better cell phone, a computer that actually worked, I don't know. I don't think I'd want anything too pricy though. Money isn't the key to happiness, and I'd never feel that way even if I had a lot of it. But it would definitely come in handy sometimes. It'd be better than having none at all...



Sometimes, I wish my family were closer together than they are now:

I'm not necessarily just talking distance. Sure, my siblings (and grandmother) have lived several hours from me for the last 10 years of my life, and it does make visiting them a bit difficult, but that's not the big thing. I've always been torn between my mom's side and my dad's side. Don't get me wrong, I don't play favorites. My grandfather may have been one of the closest people in the family to me, but my brother's also one of the closest. I don't consider either to be more important to me than the other -- well, until now, seeing as how my brother's alive and my grandfather isn't. However, my mom's side and dad's side have always kind of been on edge with each other. My mom gets along very well with my grandmother (dad's side), but most of the rest, ehhh. My dad? Doesn't really get along with any of my mom's side practically. It's almost completely split. I've never liked that. I know there's nothing I can do, but it still kind of depresses me.



Sometimes, I wish I lived in a different state:

Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily "hate" Georgia. I suppose I'm just tired of it. After living here for 19 years, I've grown bored of it. I know the area very well, and can practically drive to any place I would want to without getting lost even though I've never really driven to significant places -- except to the DMV, and once I drove to one of Mom's petsitting appointments. I've always despised the weather though. I'm not a fan of hot temperatures or erratic weather, and both of those are a regular in Georgia. Well, hot temperature is during spring and summer. Less so during winter, where admittedly we actually get some snow on occasion. 2010 had two instances -- early in March, as well as a white Christmas, which is rare -- but admittedly nothing significant in 2011. I suppose I simply feel like I'm being 'called' to the north. I know I'd be a long ways away from family, but I just feel tired of this place. Perhaps I might feel more comfortable in my own house in Georgia, but I know for a fact I'm tired of this house.



Sometimes, I wish I hadn't been homeschooled:

I did like the advantages of having finished school earlier, and being able to do work that was actually difficult enough I had to think as opposed to how easy I found it to be when I was in public school... But it had it's disadvantages. I didn't like the lack of sociality. I had few friends. The only ones I ever had were ones who lived in this neighborhood, and that was kind of hit and miss for me. I do appreciate the friends I've had around me for so long, but we've had instances where we were completely at odds with each other or simply never talked. I never really felt that much of a connection with most of them. I'm a very peculiar person, so I guess I simply never found that friend I could depend on my life with and talk to absolutely everything about. I've never had that.



Sometimes, I wish I were less intelligent:

For some reason, I feel like intelligence is a burden. I know enough to get by and to understand many things. Including things I wish I didn't understand. Things I wish made no sense to me. I'm not by any means a genius in my opinion. I have my moments where I can be extremely intelligent, but I have others where I can be completely dense as well. I wouldn't want to be less intelligent to be able to be excused for my stupid moments, but I feel like at least I'd be okay with it. As it is, when I make stupid decisions, I realize it instantly and end up feeling remorse and hate myself for it because I feel like I should know better. If I were less intelligent? I /wouldn't/ know any better. It may not be excusable, but it'd be more reasonable.