Yesterday was the most meaningful day I've had in ages... It was so surreal; so dreamlike. So serene and blissful, that I honestly never wanted it to end. For the first time in a few months, I decided to call Andra, just because she wasn't replying online, and I really wanted to talk to her. I had decided to stay up all day to fix my schedule anyway, so that was a good choice to have made... And I'm more than glad I did.
It used to be any time we talked, we never really talked any different than normal friends world; and usually, she found herself preoccupied with the computer or television and never really spoke much to me. Yesterday was so different, because she talked to me on a level I wasn't used to... She actually even told me a reason she was so upset lately, and... somehow, it made me feel so much better. Being able to talk to her, calm her down, nearly at tears myself, and show her she had nothing to fear; it just... it felt so weird. So dreamlike...
I'm not her knight in shining armor, I'm sure. I'm usually more broken than she is. But I told her, her fears are meaningless because I'm always here no matter what... And I meant that. Yesterday was so perfect to me, and could only have been better had I actually been next to her to hold her in my arms and ease her worries in person...
And I have my own fears, just as she does. Mine, much sillier and shouldn't affect me as much as they do. I don't have doubts, no; but I do have my fears and impatience, and that's what messes with me... But somehow, the conversation with her made those fears subside. And that's something I've needed for a while, is something to get rid of my stress. And I knew the only way that would happen was if I could be sincerely happy with her again, because I felt so alone, so miserable without her... And I guess God listened, maybe. Because I feel so much better now...
I have my plans for this year and next. This year is going to be very limited, but I'm going to get a job during the summer to save up money. I have plans for Christmas, and if I can get the money, I know I can do it. And I really look forward to it... And if all goes well in that, I have my plans set out for next year as well, and those plans will set forth plans for the year after that, etcetera. I plan accordingly to each year... But I do look forward to the end of this year more than anything.
Also, note a bunch of new songs on playlist if you haven't been here in a while; The first two songs I stole from a friend (and just added today), but are both very beautiful songs. Oddly, both make me think of Andra. So, thanks, Clinton. :3
Anyway. I has important matters to attend to (also I have nothing to blog about much anymore), so I shall end blog here. Later~
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