Don't take the title too seriously; it's the second song on my playlist. Though I am applying for jobs frequently lately, it's just because I need a job for something I had planned this Christmas. I'unno if I'll succeed or not, and I'm not even sure if I'll even want to anymore when the time comes... I'm getting too stressed out for anything lately.
The first song, Andra told me to listen to. Ironically, I'd heard the second one on Clinton's playlist (also where I stole Storm and Anywhere But Here). The first song though, means more to me, whereas the second is just catchy. I find myself listening to the first song repetitively though. Sadly, it'd never apply to me; never. but oh well.
Something I was considering before, and avoiding, was getting my haircut. I'll probably have to, in order to get a job. But it won't suit my looks... And I hate that there's nothing I can really do about it. So eventually, I probably will. It doesn't really matter enough to me to choose not to; a job's more important...
Getting a job isn't just for my Christmas plans... I need away from the computer. I need away from home. ... I need away from life, honestly; at least, the stresses of it. I know I'm broken when I can get into a minor little argument over nothing at all, and I end up nearly crying. I'm not stressed out or confused like I was last month, but... I'm still really twisted and emotional. I can't handle much anymore, and I easily snap at people... And what I hate is that, there's nothing I can do about it. It's just who I am... who I was, who I'm becoming, everything. It's just me.
The first song is actually pretty fascinating, because it's pretty much about convincing yourself it's over, with the person you were with for the longest time. You should also check out "How Do You Sleep", the third song; it's also about getting over your first true love. Neither of the songs could apply to me in any way, because I'd never move on or convince myself of anything. I'd relapse, and I know it. So I have to make sure I do everything I can on my part to make this work; and I know I can, I just need to actually /do/ it, rather than try to.
I plan on hanging out more with Tristan soon... Yesterday, even though we were only playing Halo, I find more enjoyment out of playing Halo with him than any other game, personally, and it really helps to be with friends. Even though his friends on Xbox Live don't know me that well, they do know me somewhat, and it's nice to do something with friends to keep yourself occupied... It helps me to relax, plus I shouldn't really be avoiding my friends much anyway... It's one thing to be alone for a little while; it's another when you haven't really talked to them much for a whole month.
I plan on recording some videos soon. I'm going to do a Lets Play video eventually, I just need a game suggestion; one I can play on an emulator. But unfortunately, I'm not gonna get one, so... I'll figure something out eventually. It doesn't matter anyway.
I'm trying to learn FL Studio more, but I'm not really that good at it. If anyone has tips, I could really use some. I know how to use the vocoder, and create basic drum beats; I understand the piano roll, but what I don't understand are all the plugins and effects; the Delay, Reverb, Phaser, etcetera. Or even how to get certain effects on certain tracks, not on all of them. Like, to only have reverb on the LeadSynth, but have a delay and echo on a Trance Lead, and have an amplifier on Bass. I don't understand any of that, and I can't find tutorials for it really... I could use some help.
I'm gonna end the blog here, and play a game... or probably just listen to music and play Minesweeper. This song is addictive.
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