July's Finalé

This is the last blog for this month, since it's the 31st, and this blog is nearly over...

Maybe August will be better, I really don't know yet, but I can hope... 2008 has honestly beenp pretty awful altogether. A few good things have happened, but all in all, I say 2006 and 2007 were better... And even they had pretty awful moments throughout the whole years... Oh well; Maybe 2009 will be good.

Nonetheless, I'm in a predicament. I don't know what I want for the rest of my life, I don't know who I want to be with or what outcome I'd prefer, anything. I have ideas, but I really don't know. I usually just go with whatever happens... I'm not a leader, at all. I'm a follower. And this sometimes gets me into trouble because I do whatever anyone tells me to at times, and then regret it later. I've fixed this mostly, and have started making my own decisions, but I still regret them anyway. I find it so hard to do something and stick with it. I guess I'll figure it out.

I want -everyone- to be my friend, no matter what. Not exactly everyone, but those who are most important to me. No matter what, I want to keep Andra, Ashley, Clinton, Kyle, Meagan, Jon, Kandi, Tristan, Ron, Jamie, Isaiah, Bernabe, Tevin, Sara, Shiro (my RP niece), Maria, Ryan (Time-Paradox! Twin), and Kit in my life somehow. They're all absolutely amazing, and although I don't talk to all of them all the time, they really all have shaped my life in some way. Andra and Ashley have always been random and amazing friends I could talk to about pretty much anything, and were just fun to talk with no matter what. Clinton, man, best WWE friend ever, and he's damn good with photoshop. Plus, I can also talk with him about stuff. Kyle, he's like my younger twin, in a way, and he's the most awesome f*cking n*gga I've ever known. (I posted about everyone, but it broke when I put Yahoo's hug face. Fail.)

Now since I'm done thanking people, let's go onto the main blog:

Things have been pretty confusing lately. I really don't know what I want, besides keeping everyone friends. I do want to enroll in college, and I am thinking about Texas Tech as a serious choice. Partially because it's one of the biggest well known colleges, but the main reason is because my grandfather was a huge Bob Knight fan, and thereby, a Texas Tech fan. So I'd love to attend that college in memory of him. On that note, I'm going to try to get a Macbook and a cheap Acer laptop for school. The MacBook will be for actual school use, the Acer for personal use. Once I have my own place, I'm going to get two actual computers, one with Vista and XP both (two boot partitions) and one with Mac OSX 10. I'm a Mac and a Windows fan, I'll openly admit that. But yeah, that's a definite.

Outside of school, I'm intending on purchasing a motorcycle, not a car. I don't have anyone I need to bring around with me, I'll be on my own for a little while, and once I do have someone with me, I'll have money for a car by then. I'm not going to be low on money, I'm going to figure all of this out pretty well, I'm sure of that.

But, a few things have happened that I'm honestly unsure about. I don't want to say what because I'm a little bit scared I'll hurt a few people, and I don't want to seem so indecisive (even if I am)... But let's just say I'm not up for making a final decision on something just yet. After my psychologist appointment, talking about a few things with him, getting some advice and exchanging philosophies and opinions, I think I might know what I want. This may be a week or two, and until then, I'm keeping everything open. There's nothing wrong with that, and in honesty, if you have a problem with that, all I'll say is "I'm sorry" half-heartedly.

Everything will take some time, as I'm working on getting a job (which I'm lazily going about doing, because I keep putting off calling the places I've applied for) and saving up some money in that process. I've requested information from Texas Tech to find out about it, and I'm going to look into scholarships, grants, and loans, and figure out everything I need. Whatever the case is, I'm getting into that college, and I'm going to have a good bit of money saved up before that, enough for my laptops and some extra money behind that.

Right now, things are interesting though. Ir/l, boring as hell. My brother's about to be leaving this weekend, which really REALLY sucks, and I'm not sure when he'll be back. I hope it's not too long, and I admit, I hope he does get into CSB; I'll help him with expenses and costs if I get a job, I'd love to see him get in there, and I can imagine all the things he could do after he graduated. It's amazing to wonder about that... But it's pretty disappointing he has to leave to go back down there until he can get the money. Hopefully things work themselves out.

This is going to be a long blog, just a forewarning, I suggest buckling your seatbelts, because if you don't want to take breaks, you'll be here for a while. Enjoy the ride.

Aside from all of this, I'm looking into working with photography and music in the sidelines. Sure, I'm going to get a job with technology and computers; I'd love to work for Mac. But, I'm going to have a freelance photography career, just taking pictures with a good quality camera, and selling them to companies and people, perhaps taking specific pictures for people, like being recruited for that kind of job... But also working with music, such as being in a band, development and all that, but mostly actually performing the music myself, at least, playing the instruments. I'll figure all that out within due time, that's for sure.

I'm definitely looking to my family a lot more than I used to, that's really good. I've started to become a little bit closer to them again. 2006 and 2007 I was distanced, for the longest time, and though I admit, those years were better, this year is better in the sense that my relationship with my family has really gotten a lot better, and I'm definitely more open about a few things with them, and feel really euphoric when I'm around my family, which is a really good thing for me. I've needed that for a while.

A lot of things are slowly changing about me. When I was younger, I had short hair, and I hated it. I grew out my hair, and it's been long since 2005 at the least. Since then, I've been growing it out longer and longer, and I cut it in 2007, because it was unbelievably long. That was early in the year. Since, I've grown it out, and just cut it in April and it was still long then; I just had it layered and styled... However, mid-June, I cut it shorter, and already it's back to the length it was before that. Now, I'm thinking about going back to a much shorter hair; About Y2J length, and wearing baseball caps like I used to. Maybe get some sunglasses too, because I want something different. I'll even dye my hair blonde. After I get a job, this is -going- to happen, just wanted to throw that out there. xD

I've been really stuck on the band Ludo for a little while, as I'm sure most of you have noticed. My top three songs in order right now by them, are: Mutiny Below, Streetlights, Topeka... I do like other songs such as Scream, Scream, Scream, and even The Horror Of Our Love. Love Me Dead, Lake Pontchartrain, even Go-Getter Greg are great, but still. I like every song, but the top three are already mentioned. Beautiful songs...

A fun fact, I'm starting to finally fix a few problems I had before. I'm not very hygienic. I'm fixing that though, I'm actually brushing my teeth again, which I didn't used to do. .... In fact, I've pretty much not done it at all since I was pulled out for homeschooling. I'm lucky my teeth haven't fallen out yet. Nonetheless, I'm fixing that, and brushing my teeth again like I should. I'm taking showers more often again, rather than once a week, and starting to get a bit more active, though it's not as much as I should... All of this will be perfected as soon as I get a job. For some reason when I have a major reason like that, I seem to be more willing to do things I need to do, including sleeping on a schedule.

I've also created a few things in photoshop out of randomness, and I'm starting to really like messing with it. It's fun to create absolutely random images, both just for fun, and some that I'll actually use for my band and other side projects, even help out my brother with some things as much as I can. It's pretty awesome.

I'm not really sure what else I have to talk about, because though I love ranting, and I want to put as much here as I can as a final update of everything that's going on, I really don't know what else to say... I guess here's the end. Later, everyone; Updates will be posted next month as well, I can promise that... Peace.