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You know, lately, I thought life was getting better again. It went from the hectic insanity of things changing over and over, and finally one plan to stick with.

Then all of a sudden, things start falling apart and I'm feeling like shit again.

With some of the way people are acting, I'm thinking about the advice that "I" gave myself. Maybe I should just fucking live alone and not rely on other people, because other people are making me miserable.

I spent so much time trying to be nice to everyone, and I still do it, not because I expect anything in return, but because I'm just too fucking nice. I make my parents wait sometimes because I hold the door open for people I don't even know; I could end up helping an armed robber into a store, and not even know it... :\

But I'm getting nowhere. Supposedly when you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. Like I've said before; I seem to be riding a giant drill, I'm just going deeper and deeper.

Honestly, all I want is to be happy. I want someone who cares for me and SHOWS it, someone who can actually be here for me and hold me when I need it. Someone who can kiss me softly on the cheek and make me feel like I'm not alone. Someone who cares for me deeply and lets me know that nothing else matters... Is that so much to ask?

Why is it that in anime, I see it all the time. In movies, in television, I see it. Even in my fucking dreams... But in real life, I don't have that at all...

I know you don't always get what you want... But I just want someone to show me they care.