Mmm...

So, we got most of the tree done. But it's still there. There's so many reasons for the guy to fine my dad about it, and I'm a little stressed out about it. Everything is looking good, and horrible, at the same time. I'm not exactly sure what to think anymore.

I mean, my birthday; On one side, I may have a job, someone may be visiting me, and my birthday is on a full moon. That's pretty fuckin' awesome. In another note, my brother probably won't be here, and my mom -isn't- going to be here...

In another note, I'm going to be enrolling into Texas Tech after my 18th birthday. But that's only if my dreams weren't premonitions, and they're starting to feel more and more like they are, especially with this strange feeling of impending doom, and an unusual cold icy feeling in my chest. Kinda creepy.

So I'm not really sure anymore. I look forward to life, but I'm a little bit scared, in all honesty. I'm not saying I don't want to live, I'm just... I don't know. I'm just not sure.

I've stopped listening to Ludo. I've gone back to my 90's Alternative phase, listening to Creed, 3 Doors Down, Goo Goo Dolls, Third Eye Blind, Semi-Sonic, Garbage, and even Lazlo Bane's "I'm No Superman"... I'm not exactly sure why, I just seem to be stuck on that genre. Perhaps it's the lyrics, or maybe I just don't want to move on, so I'm living in the past via music. I think that's probably what it is...

I found my red marker. I've been drawing on myself yet again, giving myself numerous kanji, and even so much as to reference a song on my hand; If you can read it, here it is:

If you can't read it; "Hate me today", with a little broken heart below it. My camera is hideous in quality, and you can't even see the beautiful bloody trails I drew on the letters. It looked so morbidly amazing. ♥

Aside from the usual things like that, and hanging around JA:2 for absolutely no reason... I have absolutely nothing to do. I feel so worthless lately, and I'm not exactly sure why. I wish I did, because I could get out of this phase and move on in life... I guess I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place for now. I'll live with it.