Ich möchte mit dir sein.

So, a lot of people are going to be pissed at me, others happy for me, but you know what, I really don't care what anyone else feels.

Previously people have told me I needed to stand up for myself, I needed to be selfish, and I always denied it, I wouldn't allow myself to be. I wouldn't make my own choices and stick with them, I'd regret everything. So you know what, it's time I actually did do something all on my own and stick with that fucking choice, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I love Andra. Yeah, I said it, I love her, and you know what, I'm done running away and hoping maybe I can get away from her just because I don't want to hurt her. If I'm smart enough, I just won't allow myself to hurt her, and still be with her anyway. I trust her enough to know she really does love me, and she knows for a fact that I love her. We've made mistakes, but whatever, they -are- in the past.

And to quote a friend; "The definition of stupidity is doing something, failing, and doing it again."

If that was true, Thomas Edison was an idiot. He tried over 10,000 times to create it, and after so many failed attempts, it finally succeeded. And now, we have lightbulbs. Was that stupid?

Let me reference a couple Thomas Edison quotes, which explains why the 'lightbulb' was associated with someone getting an idea.

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." - Edison

"If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." - Edison

If we didn't make mistakes, we wouldn't learn from them, and find a new way. I don't give up, I'm not that type of person. I run away, but come back and try again; Now, I'm not even going to run away. I'll fight it head on, and for once, I'm not going to let myself be afraid of the results. Fear is a mental thing, like addiction, and I'm not going to let that affect me; I'm stronger than that.

So, yeah. I'm fucking making a straight decision that I'm standing by. I love Andra, and that's not changing, because she's all I can think about every single day of my life, no matter what. Every time I look in the mirror, I see her standing there behind me, and I always feel guilty for pushing her away, when I know I really want to be with her.

Andra, I love you. And I'm sorry I pushed you away all this time, but I'm -not- going back to 2006 again. I know damn well neither of us liked how that year turned out for us, and I sure as hell don't want to do it again. This time, we're doing it right, and there's not going to be any reason whatsoever why we break up. Forever, and this time, it's not just a promise, I'll swear it on my life, your life, everyone's life who matters to me... I love you. <3