Scarred Soldiers; Pretend to Protect

I have yet to figure out exactly why people trust me, or befriend me.

Is there some hidden trait about me that I just can't seem to see myself?

I'll admit, I'm a little bit narcissistic/conceited (the terms are pretty much interchangeable). I like how I look, I think I have a few pretty fuckin' awesome traits.

But I manage to pick out my flaws and mistakes and make myself look more horrible than I make myself look amazing...

So why is it that people trust me? Why do people love me, eh?

I'm not being emo, I'm being pretty serious.

I've betrayed so many people, I've lied, I've said things behind people's backs. I tend to ditch people after so long of dealing with something, and there's only a few I've really kept around.

Maybe there's something about me that other people see, and I wish they'd point it out to me.

I don't mean just say it, I mean, point it out. Prove it... Because I sure as hell don't see whatever it is you see in me.

Hell. I can openly admit I'd try numerous things that could fuck up my life, and while I keep myself in check and I generally don't, if I had the chance, I don't care what people say, I would. Sorry, but yeah, I would.

Now, if you want? Ask what the fuck I'm talking about.

If you don't want to ask, here:

I'd try smoking for real. Real cigarettes, preferably menthols, I don't even care if they're Newports or Marlboros. On that note, I've tried alcohol, numerous kinds, and I want to try more. I've been drunk, but it didn't phase me much, and apparently I can handle it well enough to not even have a hangover. Let's go farther, if I had access, yeah, I'd try stuff like DMT, LSD, wtfever. Even marijuana to see what all the bullshit about it being so amazing is, but I'm pretty dead serious about never /allowing/ myself to develope an addiction to any of that shit. But I'd try it, I'll admit it...

Luckily I never get access to any of this, so I've never done it.

So tell me I'm awesome, tell me I have good traits...

I don't think so.