So, it's necessary time for me to post a blog. I'm in a very unusual mindset that's somewhat uncomfortable and I need to rant about things that are either unimportant or absolutely unnecessary for me to talk about in the first place, but I just feel like it anyway...
Yep, that's what happens in my blog. I make no sense whatsoever. Good luck understanding me. <3
Carrying on...
On the ride back from Florida, half-way there I was in the front seat, but as agreed, I switched to the back seat after that. I immediately laid down against the piles of blankets and pillows stuffed around Jon's computer on the other side (driver's side) of the back seat, and put my headphones on. From half-way until home nearly, I was listening to my music, going through about 4 albums worth on one CD until we got home. And upon listening to numerous songs, and thoughts that'd raced through my head since we had stopped in McDonald's (which was half-way, before I went to the back seat), I had pretty much drifted off the face of the Earth, exploring my own little universe trying to understand myself. Didn't work, but I discovered several things about me that I'm not happy with, but we're never exactly happy with ourselves anyway.
I'm still young. I may be mature, I may be pretty adult-like at times, and I may be just barely over a year until I'm 18, but I'm still young. I still have my naiveity and innocence at times, and the ability to be childish and immature. And in some ways, I'm just not grown up, I still have my teenage instincts and inability, or sometimes unwillingness, to grow up entirely... In honesty, I guess I'm still just a little bit afraid of commitment, in any form, perhaps the simplest of such even; I'm not sure why, either.
I suppose it's not really easy to explain, but here:
Envision yourself in a pit. You're surrounded by a wall on every side, except one has a wooden ladder going up the wall. It's at least 2 miles up, and if you get to the top, you'll be able to explore the whole world around you, that contains so much more in it than the pit you're in... But you have an infinite amount of supplies to survive in the pit if you choose not to. What do you do? Stay in the pit for the rest of your life, living off what you have; Or choose to climb the long endless ladder to find out what else there is out there for you?
I can't climb that ladder... I don't have the patience, the will, or the right mindset to do so.
I guess I'm just not really sure of myself yet... Oh well.
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