Lately, things are getting frustrating. My mom lost her job, my dad's getting bitchier lately [which is really starting to piss me off], I can't seem to get a job anywhere. Jon left and hardly talks to me, it feels like he just hates me for who knows what reason lately. I make a few new friends and all of them think I'm ignoring them if I can't answer, or if I just don't feel like talking to anyone. (Only one person ever 'owns' me at all, and if I don't talk to you, it's not personal. If you expect me to answer to every last message from you, you're in for a pretty unfortunate surprise... I'll only always answer /her/.)... There's much more to it. I could almost make a shopping list out of it, so to speak. I'll keep going just a little bit... Andra seems to be growing distant from me, as if she's either bored with me, or I'm doing something wrong without realizing it. Either way you look at it, obviously I'm a screw-up as far as that goes. Already lost her before, I'm just waiting for it to happen again. And I know I won't be able to take it when that happens... I can barely deal with everything that's going on. Sanity's a very thin strip of elastic, and I'm stretching it as far as I can obviously.
Am I meant to be miserable?
Am I meant to suffer?
Is it going to get any better?
Or will it only get rougher?
It seems logical that things only get worse. I suppose I just have to learn to endure, as painful as it is, and even though it hurts more and more every day. It really isn't the life I imagined living when I was a kid. I pictured much more beautiful things, a life worth bragging about to all my friends. Things to be happy about and look forward to... I guess they're right, life isn't a fairy tale. I'm slowly succumbing to the realization that things aren't how you hoped them to be, they're much much worse.
I feel like writing a story rather than posting a blog... I guess I'll end this here and shift over to AE.
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