So I've been wondering. Here's a fun situation, and let's determine your answers. You don't have to tell me, but just answer it for yourself. If there's something you feel you can't live without, -- for example, something literal: Oxygen -- but it hurts you, -- concentrated oxygen will kill you if breathed in excessively, -- then, what would you do? Would you stop breathing, and die? Or would you endure the pain? Try it in a mental state though. Something very important to you, or someone, but you're constantly enduring pain. Do you give up on them, no matter how important they are to you, and try to live without them? Or do you endure the pain longer? I'm enduring it myself, because I'd rather be somewhat happy and somewhat miserable, than completely empty. I just wonder how long until the thin line of sanity grows so thin and fragile that it just breaks like a thread pulled from both ends.
So I may be moving to NYC in about a year. Whenever I can get into college. This is one dream I really want to pursue. I used to hate the fact I could play piano, because people would always want me to, and I fet like I was showing off if I did, and I don't necessarily think I'm that good anyway. I've always hated the spotlight when I was younger... But lately I've started ignoring that and playing piano for myself, just putting emotion into the melody instead of playing it for show. Guitar and bass aren't as emotional as piano, and though I do play all the instruments (and intend on learning more), piano is always the top instrument for me. Bass is just for being in a band and jamming with family. I'll eventually learn cello and violin too; I'd love to play an electric violin in a band.
I miss affection. I miss honesty, care, love, friends, trust... I miss reality. I miss the 90's. After the September 11th attacks, things went to shit. People started maturing in the wrong ways and becoming so selfish. They start worrying about themselves more and what could happen to them, rather than thinking about those close to them. There are times to be selfish, yes, but that time is not 24/7-365. And I'm tired of looking at so many people being selfish and not caring how their actions affect other people, because I've constantly gotten hurt by "friends" who were just being selfish. And I'm honestly getting tired of it. Emotion is a dangerous thing to toy with, because if you press a button over and over, it'll eventually short out and electrocute you. Not to mention that anger leads to hate, and hate leads to fights. I've gotten into fights this way...
I probably have other things I want to say, but let's not... I'll leave it here, you can understand how I'm feeling right now from this.
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