At the bottom of the player, you should listen to "The World I Know", by Collective Soul. It's a very amazing song. Very deep but beautiful. I notice odd similarities of the music to "Shine" and Hurt's song "Rapture", also. I may try to mash the two together. I'm also hooked on Polyamorous.
I'm becoming undoubtedly attached to the Red vs. Blue series once more. I'm getting to the point that not only have I resumed RP'ing as Church online, I'm beginning to 'adapt' to his persona. The fun thing about my mind is that I'm almost a reverse of the "Alpha", the original A.I. of Red vs. Blue. I won't spoil anything, but I will explain what I mean (without any spoilers).
During the Great War, all of the military forces were attempting to find a weapon that would give them the upper hand. Project Freelancer had their own, the A.I.. However, they only had one; "Alpha". They attempted to copy him and create more, but failed. The Director immediately realized this failure, and decided to do the next best thing. He split him. Because the Alpha was based on a human mind, he has limits to what he can handle. The Director put the Alpha under simulations of excessive torture and heavy stress. "Delta", his logical side, was split off so that he could no longer comprehend or analyze what was happening to him. When the anger tried to take over, "Omega" was split off as well. Each individual A.I. was split in this fashion, including the likes of Gamma, his deceit; Sigma, his creativity; Theta, who is unknown at this time; And "Epsilon", it's memory... Epsilon was originally the AI partner of Agent Washington, but because of the torture he endured while still the Alpha, he broke down. Upon being implanted within Washington's head, Epsilon began to replay memories of the torture inside his mind, and feeling the pain of his former life (Alpha), he committed suicide while still interfaced with Washington. Because of this, Washington is fully aware of what happened to the Alpha A.I., and refuses to put another A.I. in his head... Alpha was an A.I., split into fragments via methods of reverse engineering a person with multiple personalities. Rather than being one person with multiple personalities, Alpha is only one of his many personalities, with Gamma, Sigma, Omega, Epsilon, Theta, Delta, and all of the many other A.I. being the seperate personalities. So, a person with multiple personalities has one body, but a thousand lives. Alpha has a thousand bodies, but only one 'life".
Sometimes, I am the exact opposite of the Alpha. I do not ditch personalities, even mentally; As, if I did, I would have multiple personality disorder... However, I seem to "adopt" personalities. I inherit traits from other people. But I do it to the extreme that I can completely become an entirely different person, and adapt to my surroundings. At the life of a party, I could be sarcastic, intense, and lively; Usually the one everyone gets along with. But in tense situations, I can harden my shell and seem like I'm a careless figure who only intends on getting his way, and won't let anyone else change that. In each situation, I can morph not just my attitude and mood; I completely change my personality. The choices I make, how much logic is put into anything, how I act, how I speak, how I feel. Everything can be changed. In an attempt to avoid succumbing to the reality that this world throws at you, I created multiple personalities, but they were not ones that split off of me to protect me. They are not certain "sides" of me. They are literally what the A.I. were believed to be: "Copies".
However, each personality is so different to the extremes that I've started assigning actual names to them for them to act under. That way when I acted as one person, I would not do something that the original intended not to do. My real name is always "Braden", the original, and that will never be changed. But certain parts of me have adopted 'codenames'. Not things like "Alpha" or "Beta". Not state names like "Washington", "Wyoming", "Tex", "York", or any of that. Just real names that are assigned to each copy. The copy that's usually hardened, self-centered, ignorant, and defiant, is "Michael". He's the loner who refuses to follow anyone in any way, to the point that if he had an original plan, and someone went along with it, he would change his plan to something else he had stored away. He chooses to do only what /he/ wants, and nothing more. Noone helps him, he helps noone. The joker, the life of the party, as I formerly mentioned, the one who could be a smartass and get along with everyone, and exists only to lighten the mood for everyone else, is "Cameron". I've mentioned both of these names before, and they are real. I do not have multiple personalities necessarily, but "muses". Alter-egos that I can switch to, in order to adapt to the situation. I still retain my original name and respond to it, and I'm still the same /person/, just with a new personality. A gimmick...
The newest addition to these muses, is actually named "Leonard". The personality that Church represents, what I change to when I'm RP'ing as Church... I cannot RP someone I am not, because I don't know how to act as them; So I change into them. Church is only a character I RP as when I have actually changed my mindset to the "Leonard" personality (and yes, Leonard is Church's first name in the series; Hence why I named the personality that).
Finishing my explanation of "each personality is so different to the extreme", not only do they have individual names, but individual opinions and choices. Each one has their own life so to speak, but is still part of me. If I could physically fragment myself into each person... If science had the technology to create clones of me at the same age, that would have their own image and personality that spawned off of me... I would do it in a heartbeat, I'm not kidding. I want to be able to think individually and not have thousands of opinions crossing paths. Each one could make their own decision and live how it sees fit. If one of my personalities wanted to move to one place and get this job, it could; Whereas another personality could stay put and have this career. Etcetera, etc., and so on, and so forth.
This is why the title comes in, "Polyamorous" is a song by Breaking Benjamin that I didn't used to like, but am comprehending. Each of my personas, my muses, has their own opinion and choices, right? Some of them feel one way about someone, and some feel another way. /I/, the original, have my own opinion as well, which expands through every personality to an extent. Meaning, no matter what personality I have, I still remember what the original wants. I remember that Andra is who the original is with, and who his close friends are and how I should act around them... But then each personality also knows that it is slightly seperate, and having it's own opinions, chooses to find itself interested in other people and have other friends seperate from it's original life. This causes problems while they're still part of me, and this is why I wish I could split these fragments off. I want them to live how they choose to, and be able to go after who they want... But /I/ want Andra, and I will not adjust to the other personalities choices. I am still the original.
Now you see why I'm so broken and distorted. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really even human myself. What if I'm a test subject for Project Freelancer myself?
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