Making assumptions and guesses as to what my future has in store for me.
Since everything's been falling apart, I figure, I might as well decide what I'm going to do.
And if everything turns out as I'm predicting, my 18th birthday will be rather interesting...
I know that's a year away. That's the point; Enough time to confirm all my predictions, and thus, begin my plans.
I've been rather depressed lately. To the point that I've started giving up on a lot of things, and just started... living. Not even doing anything of purpose, nothing meaningful. Just living... No accomplishments, no goals, no dreams. Just... /living/. Nothing more, nothing less. More and more, I've started ending up like my brother. And I didn't want that, but really... there's nothing left to do. I'm just a shell of who I used to be.
It's funny. Everything that means something to me, the things that are the most important to me, I always end up losing. Everyone who matters to me, always ends up getting hurt. And I used to think maybe I should keep my distance and hold no value in anything, but it didn't work. I ended up realizing, everyone I know gets hurt, everything I have gets lost; That's my life, and I can't stray from it. I just have to ignore it and keep moving on. If something happens to someone, it's not for me to control. I'm a curse to all society and those around me are the accursed ones. It's not for me to decide whether or not they deal with it. They can leave me; I can't leave them...
Essentially, I'm stuck living this lifestyle. It's not pleasuring to me in any way, but I just can't do anything else. I pretty much have to suffer the loss of those that mean the most to me, and start realizing that the only way I could live happily is to be selfish all my life; But I can't do that, so I just won't live happily. I'll just live...
I'll start posting shorter blogs like these in the next 72 hours.
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