News is pretty interesting. My mom confirmed that when [if] she moves to Ireland to be with Tom, I'll get the car. I hadn't known about that. The TV and DVD player, yeah, but no clue about the car. Kinda neat I guess. I'm impatient to be able to get out of the house and get my life started, but I'm patient at the same time to wait it out. With my luck, everything will fall apart anyway, and my plans to start life won't matter anyway. My priorities just aren't set appropriately, but I'll take that risk.
I'm looking forward to Wednesday, because I get to go up to my grandparents, and most likely, Kyle and Gerald will probably be playing Rock Band 2, and I look forward to the chaos we conjur that night. Unfortunately, if my left hand doesn't heal, I won't be able to play for shit. Guitar, drums, any of it. That's going to suck.
To explain the latter paragraph; My left wrist is damaged. It was worse yesterday, when I was incapable of bending it in any direction. But even now, it's still pretty messed up, and I can only bend it so much. I have it wrapped in an "ACE bandage", but there's no telling how much longer it may be until it heals. Oddly, I didn't break/sprain it. All I can think is a condition that runs down my dad's side of the family, which would make a lot of sense, and explain a lot more of my problems aside from the wrist, but still. It's not fun, it doesn't feel good, and I HATE not being able to use my left hand. Ugh...
Relationships are seriously stressing, even when nothing is going on. Sometimes I wonder if I was happier single, but I know I wasn't. I'm not upset because of the relationship, I'm just upset period, and I'm mindlessly expecting her to make me happy. I find it odd, me and Andra talked a lot more when I was cold and bitter towards her; sure, it was usually arguing and fighting, and her getting hurt, but we did talk more. And when I avoided her, she pursued me out of interest, probably wondering why I hated her so much from the start. But unlike in the books, this time, my Bella has lost interest in me... Edward is all alone, and I'm damn sure not happy with it. It's irritating; I can't breathe, I can't see, I can't sleep without thinking of her. I'm practically intoxicated with her, knowing no more than her personality, name, and her looks, based off of what I've learned online. It's miserable. No, it's torture. Logically, I should be avoiding her still. I should care more about my own well-being and attempt to get on with my life, but I choose not to. I choose to suffer mindlessly, wishing only to be with her... And it's odd. By definition, you could say I hurt her frequently. But, in truth, it's not exactly that I hurt her, but just that me being around her is harmful to her health, mentally and physically. She seemed perfectly okay while I was away from her as long as I could be, and as soon as I'm with her, everything fucks up. /Everything/. And it's not that I want to avoid her for my own good... I want her to be happy, and that's not seemingly what she gets from me. And because she's not happy, I'm not happy. Oh, no, I'm happy much less than that, I'm only happy when I'm talking to her and we're having a good time. This is very very seldom... But I don't know... A quote that's on a personal message on MSN of my friend, Ron, really stands out to me. "If you love someone, you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back, they'd never ask you to." I guess I'm just tired of giving up...
I want to post more, but I don't know what to post... I'll leave an update later when I actually think of something. I'm too entranced right now... Way too out of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment