And I'm sorry I have to say goodbye,

Ugh. Fuck the 8 post per month rule, I'm going to start posting whenever I want, about whatever the hell I feel like I need to talk about. I am now at the point that I don't care what anyone else thinks or says to me... Everyone fucking lies to me anyway at one point or another. Everyone I know, has lied to me. My mother, my brother, my girlfriend, my best friend, all of the people I have ever told straightforward that I /depended/ on them, that I counted on them to be there for me no matter what. They've ALL fucking lied to me at one point in time, and now I have NO trust for anyone anymore. Fuck this... I'm tired of being so selfless that everyone I know walks all over me. I'm fucking SICK OF IT.

As you can probably tell, I'm /beyond/ pissed off. :\  I'm not necessarily "upset", oh no. I'm quite happy about a few things I'm slowly finding out, and I'm so glad to know the "truth". ... You know what, I'm honestly pretty fucking tired of everyone lying to me, beyond tired.

It's funny, when I was an asshole, I had no problems whatsoever. None. I managed to get around just fine for the longest time. I asked Kyle, who I've been friends with for a really damn long time. He knew I was happier before I started dating Andra. And I wonder why. Oh I don't know, maybe because, I wasn't being fucking used for personal gain...?

You know what... I'm really close to leaving the computer, for good. But I'm mere /inches/ away from leaving [almost] every so-called "friend" I have... Maybe I'd be better.

I have /never/ been this pissed off in my life. I have never had such a struggle trying to keep myself controlled. My eyes are burning, trying to cry, my voice is so warbled and only a whisper because if I tried to actually speak, it would be more of screaming. And I'm moving so rapidly, such as RLS (restless leg syndrome) and typing erratically with all sorts of mistakes... I have the /strongest/ urge, to break my monitor, bare-handedly. And honestly, I know I'm pissed off enough that if I tried to punch my monitor, no jokes, I would probably hit it hard enough that the broken screen would cut all the way up to my elbow, and my hand would be out the other end of the monitor... And this is a 17" CRT, not a flat-screen LCD. I would /shatter/ this fucking monitor.

I'm going to say one thing, right now, and one thing only.

I want /everyone/ to be honest to me... Because if I find one more lie, from a single friend, I am NEVER speaking to them again... And I don't care who you are. You could be family, you could be someone I seriously /love/ more than life itself... I will leave you forever.

:\