I find it amusing. The past 3 years, I've managed to make so many new friends and lose so many like it was nothing. And it's not that I lose them because they don't like talking to me... I just disappear. I do this for a reason, too. I've probably made over 200 friends in the past couple years, and I wasn't even trying to. The thing is, I have 'muses', as I've mentioned before. I found another term for it; presets. I have different personalities that I've created, not other actual voices or people within the same body, just... Ways of acting. And I've matched up certain personalities, attitudes, opinions, and things altogether, into a 'preset'. I choose a preset according to how the person I'm talking to acts, subconsciously... Unfortunately, this means that I've yet to find a single person who doesn't really get along with me, and I've had numerous people fall for me somehow, which is severely irritating. What makes it even more frustrating is, I use these presets with /everyone/. Friends, family... even Andra. I truly don't think anyone knows who /I/ am, because my personality clashes with everyone. I've yet to find someone I can actually be myself with, there's always something that's harnessed and hidden inside so that noone sees it; I hide at least one thing from each person. So some people know more about me than others, but noone knows really who I am entirely... I don't think anyone would like me for who /I/ am... that's why I hide behind these masks, everywhere.
I noticed something. I have no creativity. I can play piano, guitar, bass; hell, I've even pretty much learned enough synchronization in order to play drums. I can /slightly/ (albeit terribly) sing. But I cannot write any music/lyrics really. I can write some poems or stories, but only with inspiration. I've had a severe writer's block for the last whole year; more than, possibly. I'm not artistic, I'm incapable of drawing anything or even sketching. I have no skills with Photoshop or Vegas, so I'm screwed on that. I'm good with computers, but I find myself not knowing what to do when I'm using them, besides sitting around and trying to find entertainment, which never works. Basically? I have half-assed talents. I know /half/ of everything... Which makes me pretty much useless. But I've found that when someone else knows something, and I work alongside them, I end up mimicking their talents. I can do the same things they do just by watching, but I forget how to do it when I have to do it on my own... I'm a copycat by nature.
I know I could come up with a lot more to post about... I'll probably post later tonight, if history repeats itself. Last night was pretty miserable.
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