Mistakes, regrets / What I've done.

I hate my past.

I honestly hate myself...

I've fucked up my past, my present; I'm sure I could possibly fuck up my future...

But from this day forth... I'm controlling every fiber of my body, every ounce of emotion.

The voices in my head, the feelings that sometimes toy with me and make me doubt what I know is true... I'm not letting them torture me anymore.

I hate being broken.

I hate having grown up a life where all the friends I ever had, only used me for the fact I was so nice to them and they never had to worry about vengeance.

I hate that in this day and age, the nice guys always come last...

But there's one thing I'm both the first and last in, and I'm not taking that for granted.

I pride myself upon being with Andra...

If there's anything that I brag about, it's being with her.

I do think she deserves more than me...

But I don't want her to see that.

If I could start over, and everything before today was erased for good...

I would be happy.

I can truthfully say I'm sorry for those whose lives I've ruined.

Especially those who I talked to when I was in a time of loneliness, where things are so mixed up...

Those who unfortunately talked to me at the wrong time and place...

Those who didn't really talk to me...

But, for lack of a better wording:

Talked to my "evil twin".

Everyone has a voice in their head; their subconscious.

I have more than just a subconscious...

I don't have multiple personalities, it's always me.

I'm not schizophrenic; the voices are in my head, not outside.

I'm not psychopathic; I don't listen to the voices... most of the time.

I'm just psychotic, delusional... I'm mentally impaired.

And I apologize for those who met the wrong side of me...

Honestly...

I want to go without speaking to anyone except this list of people, for the next month... Unless I IM you first...

That list is as follows:

Andra

Jon

Mom

Kyle

Clinton

Kyle (cousin)

Tristan

Isaiah

Ron

Jamie

Patrick

Mike

Anyone else... Please, just... Give me some time to remember who I really am. I can't let myself fall victim to temptation and insanity anymore.

And I'm not joking, I'm really not...

I really want everyone to cooperate on this.

Thanks...